How to recognize a person?
Is it difficult to know a person?
It all depends on the methods of knowledge that we have.
As you know, there are four methods of knowledge: observation, information gathering, reasoning and experiment. If we do not have the opportunity, time or desire to resort to the first three, then go straight to the fourth.
What is an experiment? This is a conscious, active influence on the object of research in order to obtain information about it.
Experiments are also different, but one of the most effective, correct and low-cost ways of knowing a person is a conflict. And this way is possible for everyone. But since it is unlikely to become an accidental witness to a conflict involving the “object under study”, the conflict itself must be provoked. In his course to conduct observations, and at the end - the arguments and conclusions. Simulation of conflict situations is carried out in the preparation of crews / teams to perform critical actions. And for the suitability of family life it is necessary to carry out the real field tests! Also because the "crew". Although the majority of marrying such a “base garbage” do not suffer. They have “love”!
But the blogger Tetkoraks is absolutely sure that we should not wait for quarrels, quarrels, scandals and mud bathing at each other. Prerequisites for them should be created by yourself! And as early as possible! And not only in his private life, but also in any business that requires the choice of a partner, partner, colleague, friend, comrade and other partners. What can I say, even the enemy would be nice to check on the willingness to fight. In doing so, we consciously conduct a real scientific experiment!
Someone will surely say, they say, what nonsense - to make scandals! Such doubters should be reassured: if the experiment is properly prepared and correctly conducted, then one conflict in an easy form will be enough to arrive at definite, specific conclusions. Moreover, in most cases, such an experiment is not necessary! Many people produce conflicts so thoughtlessly, often and so trivially, that there is no need to soar brains - everything is already clearly visible! And if the conflict did not happen by your will, then regard it as a gift of fate, as an opportunity to know a person, without making any effort at all! And the sooner this happens, the better! Memorize, record, document with technical means. Then think carefully and draw the right conclusions.
What should I look for first?
The most important and informative will be the following characteristics.
♠ What situations a person regards as conflicting, and how acutely he reacts to them.
♠ Willingness to conflict.
♠ Behavior in conflict.
♠ Ability to correctly get out of the conflict, on time and with minimal losses.
Ability to draw the right conclusions from conflicts.
Presence of desire and ability to eliminate the consequences of a conflict. In particular, the ability to apologize, change their behavior and forgive.
If a person readily goes to conflicts, behaves destructively in them, is charged not to solve problems, but to "win", if he is not ready to compromise, is vindictive, does not want to apologize, then this indicates that he is not interested in maintaining equal relations, and indeed he doesn’t give a damn about his counterpart. And most often he is just a mental idiot. If, on the contrary, a person does not conflict over trifles, he is ready to listen to an opponent in any questions, calmly discuss the problem, admit his mistakes, apologize and make efforts to restore the previous relationship, to give in to something, and most importantly, to forgive the wrong. If he is generous, correct, sustained and respectful of his opponent, then with such a person it will be much easier to do business and have any other relationship.
Conflicts overflow our lives. From them, no escape. Moreover, conflict is the source of development. Where there is no conflict, there is no progress! However, a reasonable person uses conflicts for the benefit of himself, but only harm to a stupid one. Conflict has a particularly damaging effect on matrimonial life. Improper resolution of conflicts in the family leads to its collapse.
The upbringing of a man or woman is checked by how they behave during an argument. (D.B. Shaw)
You can not quarrel with the one you love, with the one you live with, and with the one with whom you have a common cause. A marriage is all three named positions at the same time. Their position in marriage is proved not by conflicts, but by deeds.
The willingness to initiate and enter into conflicts with close people (spouse, parents, sisters, brothers, relatives of a spouse, etc.) is evidence of a special kind of stupidity and extremely absurd nature, and besides, of psychological inferiority. What is characteristic, the absolute majority of such people do not understand that with such behavior they destroy their world with their own hands! The others understand and cannot do anything with themselves! This is a diagnosis!
Would someone like to be married with this type? A rhetorical question! Therefore, before entering into marriage, the specified experiment must be conducted without fail. And perhaps not one, but several "thematic" battles.
But if after all this unpleasant surprise happened (i.e., you were married with this type of 😦), then there are four ways of behavior: endure, re-educate, conduct “mental trepanning of the brain” and leave this person. What to do everyone decides for himself. It should only be remembered that re-education is “empty efforts”, patience is masochism, “trepanning” also has many negative consequences (including revenge). The most correct, though painful way out, is to part with such a person. Leave decisively and immediately. There are no common children yet. It is not easy, however, it will not kill us. And as Nietzsche claims, what does not kill us makes us stronger. And smarter.
Do not waste time and energy on a person who from scratch creates problems for you almost every day, on an egoist who thinks only of himself, for a particular infantile and affective behavior. Do not become a slave to the situation. No matter how hard you try, you will not succeed in fundamentally improving a person. 😦 Collect manatki - and go to a new happiness. 🙂
And that's very cool, man!
If you want to make friends with someone, then first make him angry at you. If at the same time it is fair to do in relation to you, then make friends, if not, then beware, avoid him. (Luckman Hakim)
There are six ways that make it possible to know a person. This is his facial expression, his words, his deeds, his character, his goals and, finally, the opinions of other people. (F. Bacon)
To know the other two means there is:
One is mockery and the other is flattery. (Goethe)
You can also use the classic methods. For example, let him bring the characteristics / recommendations from the place of work / study / stay, from his relatives, spouse, as well as his neighbors. But about them somehow another time.
On the topic will also be useful articles:
How to find out the past of his wife.
Primary goat symptoms.
Rules of constructive dispute.
By becoming incognito, you become yourself.
as well as a selection of aphorisms on the topic "Quarrel, swearing, conflict."
Reader, do not be lazy - comment on the painting!Is it difficult to know a person?
What is an experiment?
What should I look for first?
Would someone like to be married with this type?